Relationship abuse

Relationship abuse

Support for issues raised in Circle North, Episode One: Controlled

In Controlled we see how Jess is mistreated by Max. Although their relationship starts well, he becomes possessive and controlling; leading to threats to harm himself and using physical abuse against her.

Jess can see that her dad was a victim of domestic abuse carried out by her mum, though it is harder to see in her relationship with Max because she loves him and he has manipulated her. He has played with her emotions and has been isolating her from her friends and family.

Healthy Relationships

Part of being in a healthy relationship is feeling safe, equal, respected, having choice and being able to be yourself.

If you are worried that your partner is not treating you this way these can be red flags. It can be hard, though the best thing to do can be to remove yourself from the relationship or for your partner to receive help with their behaviour, such as counselling before things become even worse.

Signs of Coercive Control

  • Isolating you from friends and family
  • Tracking you, knowing/wanting to know where you are and who are with
  • Criticising what you do, think and say
  • Controlling money, limiting your money / access to money
  • Not wanting you to get help
  • Emotional blackmail
  • Wanting you to change your identity - such as the way you dress or speak
  • Reading texts/messages
  • Threatens to hurt you, someone you care about or themselves
  • Gaslighting - Manipulating you to doubt reality, E.g. “Are you sure about that? You have a bad memory,” or “I think you are forgetting what really happened.” 

Coercive Control Definitions and the Law

Under the Serious Crime Act, coercive control became illegal in England and Wales in December 2015. Controlling or coercive behavior in intimate or family relationships is an offence carrying a maximum sentence of five years imprisonment, and/or a fine. 

Coercive behavior is an act or a pattern of acts of assault, threats, humiliation and intimidation or other abuse that is used to harm, punish, or frighten their victim.

Controlling behavior is a range of acts designed to make a person subordinate and/or dependent by isolating them from sources of support, exploiting their resources and capacities for personal gain, depriving them of the means needed for independence, resistance and escape and regulating their everyday behavior Source: Home Office

Getting Help

If you or someone you know is in an abusive, coercive, or controlling relationship there are ways of seeking help.

Speak with a trusted adult such as a parent, grandparent, carer, teacher, youth, health, or social worker.

Other ways of getting help include:

Childline – www.childline.org.uk

You can call 0800 1111, or sign up so you can online chat and send messages (9am – midnight) – support provided by the NSPCC.

The Police

If it’s an emergency, call 999. 

If you can’t speak, listen to the questions, and tap or cough to answer. Press 55 to signal an emergency.

If it is not an emergency and you wish to report a crime call 101.

Women’s Aid – www.womensaid.org.uk

Women’s aid work together with partners against domestic abuse until women and children are safe.

If you or someone you know might be behaving in an abusive way, help to change behaviour is available.

Respect – www.respectphoneline.org.uk

You or they can talk to Respect in confidence about your violence and domestic abuse at 0808 8024040

A friendly Helpline Advisor will listen without judgement and give honest advice.

National and International Help with Domestic Abuse – https://www.mysticmag.com/domestic-violence-resource-guide/

A full list of international help centres and organisations offering help for Domestic Abuse.

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